Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Movie Review - Rocky Horror Picture Show

Today is "Rocky Horror Picture Show"

This cult classic horror film stars Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon and Meatloaf

The story starts out with a castle. Takes place in the castle and pretty much stays in the castle. It was disturbing (I'm going by memory here, folks) for in a coffin a rather large man (Meatloaf) was lying there as if dead. As a matter of fact, I think he was dead! Then there was this other guy who was built to be Tim Curry's lover. Then there was a song and dance number about time warps and even more dancing! Then there was another flash of lightning, everything went dark and the end titles were just something that made me wish I could see the silhouettes of Tom Servo, Crow and Mike sitting in the front row, making fun of the guy who kept walking around like a zombie.

This has been my Movie Review. Breaking down and seeking shelter in castles shows desperation.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Movie Review - Robin Hood: Men In Tights

Today is "Robin Hood: Men In Tights"

Starring; Cary Elwes, Patrick Stewart, Richard Lewis, Tracy Ullman & Amy Yasbeck.

This one will take you back to the days of yore when England was being overrun by hordes of very impolite British mobs, who grew beards, wore some tights and sang merrily...then Robin Hood comes back, without a beard, wearing sexier tights and singing so gay! Also with an actual English accent. The replacement king (who replaced the king that was indisposed at the time) made sure to have many parties, forest squabbles over land, irritate poor folks, make hunting in the king's forest illegal and consulted a scary-looking witch for advice and breakfast.

Robin Hood gathers his merry men and they band together for training and singing. Practicing their fighting skills, riding horseback with weapons and firing arrows correctly, is just some of the fun they, the survivors, had. Mel Brooks appears as does Captain Picard of the Starship Enterprise of Star Trek: The Next Generation fame. He plays the king. Not the captain. But still...

This has been my Movie Review. It's good to be the king. Or the captain.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Movie Review - Penn & Teller Get Killed

Today is "Penn And Teller Get Killed"

Starring Penn Jillette and Teller

Despite the suave, unfazed stalker and the all-too-willing practical joke playing Uncle of Penn's girlfriend, these two hysterically disturbed magicians still find ways to deeply disturb each other. In this film, bordering noir and a mystic quality, the showmen do their damnedest to stay alert, stop all-round boredom, and thrill themselves by planting fake bullets into mirrors, bribing innocent bystanders to run away from a supposed murder attempt and causing really bad feelings with an underground psychic-healing cult.

Somehow in all of this they get killed. In some weird way I have to wonder if the title of this 1989 film was somehow a parody sequel to the 1988 film of They Live.

If you can't seem to understand the pressures of showbiz and life on the road, take a look at this beautifully crafted journey into paranoia, panic attacks, and drinking way too much . . . cola!

This has been my Movie Review. They hate magic, go figure.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Movie Review - Pirates of the Caribbean

Today is "Pirates of the Caribbean"

Starring Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom

A pirate's lot was not an easy one although they seemed to never be spotted so easily in this plot despite the jewelry, clothing and dreadlocks. Captain Jack Sparrow (Depp) came ashore and parked his vessel under the dock. Literally in about ten feet of water. The governor's daughter, Elizabeth Swann (Knightley) is taken aboard the Black Pearl and Will Turner (Bloom) sets out to save her because one; she was previously saved from drowning in a heavy and tight dress by Jack Sparrow and that sorta messed up his plans to save her, and two; because he was quite sure that pirates like Jack Sparrow needed to be taught a lesson. But Will finds himself aiding and abetting piracy to its fullest when he and Jack steal (or borrow) a ship right out from under the British Navy. But it doesn't stop there. Aye, Elizabeth is tossed around on everything but a dead man's chest. Barbossa (Rush) and his crew walk around in the moonlight that reveals their bones, a part of their curse as the living dead, while still holding down relatively good sailing techniques.

As the lot of them set sail for an island that has great treasure, they are either the sacrificers or the sacrificees. Either way, the crew of the Black Pearl are acting hopeless, the new crew assembled by Captain Jack are acting strange and the crew of the British Navy are acting quite determined to kill everyone and give pirates a run for their booty. Jack gets stranded again, after we hear about his being stranded when mutiny claimed his ship. Will gets kidnapped. Elizabeth tries to, and successfully ruins the plot for an immediate cure to the Black Pearl's curse, the drunken plans of Jack by setting his rum stash ablaze and dodges much death and injury owning to the fact that she is, of course, a woman.

Things get rowdy and the famed Captain Jack Sparrow regains his long lost ship and still enjoys an apple that Barbossa seemed obsessed with while being dead. Will makes a life-long friend in Jack and a pirate's life is the only life for them. Savvy?

This has been my Movie Review. Start believing in swashbucklers.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Movie Review - Pitch Black

Today is "Pitch Black"

Starring Vin Diesel, Radha Mitchell, Cole Hauser and Rhiana Griffith

First there's a disaster when a cargo/passenger ship runs right through the tail of a comet. Then it crash lands on a deserted planet in a system that has three suns!

The crew (what's left of it) and the passengers (what's left of them) get to trudge through a hell-like desert in search of water and a way off the planet. Well, they find water and even a laid-up emergency space craft to get them outta there...only problem is...there are all these creatures, like bats...that eat everything. Like sharks will eat everything. Shark bats. That's it, they're Shark Bats!

Anyway, the small group of survivors do everything in their power to basically survive but with an oncoming eclipse and an oncoming herd of flying shark bats, everyone is really stressed out. It's down to who can run really fast with as much light and torch and flame to keep the dreaded creatures from feasting on newly crashed people. While Riddick (Diesel) is trying his damnest to keep Johns (Hauser) off his back while trying to get away from being sold to another Merc, the rest of the group try to come to grips with actual grips from the clawed talons of the shark bats. Riddick, who can see much better in the darkness than in light, helps them to safety...well what was left of the survivors of the actual survivors, who got out alive.

This has been my Movie Review. Are you afraid of the dark? Don't be afraid of the dark. On second thought, be afraid. Be very afraid.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Movie Review - Men At Work

Today is "Men At Work"

Starring Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez

When two hard working, young garbage men run into a political debate over who killed the local congressman, things just get weird. First the pretty assistant to the congressman is somehow under suspicion for killing the politician. Then when these garbage men Carl and James (Sheen and Estevez) are hunted down for the missing body, they are also under suspicion. Only by way of the mistaken guess that a pellet gun could have killed the man. When they soon discover that the victim was actually strangled to death, they foolishly go in search of the killer. James wants to contact the police, but the others forbid it saying how stupid it would be to involve the local trigger-happy policemen. The crazed Vietnam veteran that's working on assignment with the two garbage men somehow manages to involve them in a kidnapping of a pizza delivery man, stealing a vehicle or two, holding a pellet gun on an officer, and destroying private property. This all ends up with barrels. In barrels. Escaping from barrels. It's like a barrel of fun!

This has been my Movie Review. Extra cheese?

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Movie Review - Legend

Today is "Legend"

Starring Tom Cruise, Mia Sara, David Bennent and Tim Curry        

A long time ago, in a galaxy nearby, a Lord of Darkness emerged. The story of myth and legends comes alive with giant forests of enchantment and another nearby forest that looks as though someone had a really ominous pillow fight.

A goblin is sent to kill unicorns, a maiden comes to visit a friendly forest woman, a forest man-child is a real natural at doing foresty things and the Devil is suffering from a really bad case of green-glowing-eyes.

Jack (Cruise) and Lily (Sara) meet again in the forest to swap tales and goings on, they look at their surroundings which happens to have some unicorns. The two lovers head to the dark fortress and the goblins make up strange rhymes. Elves are here too! They do exceedingly well in snowstorms, considering their leader wears something akin to Tarzan gear.

This has been my Movie Review! Have a mystic day.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Movie Review - Logan's Run

Today is "Logan's Run"

Starring Michael York, Jenny Agutter and the late Richard Jordan (I)

You see the future! The domed city, or I guess I should say the doomed city where by the time you reach the age of 30, you must undergo the ritual of Carousel. Usually this wouldn't be such a bummer except that it does kill you. First you're loaded onto a spinning platform, it goes slow enough at first, but by the time it's over you're flying around. Gracefully for some reason, but still you're basically helpless and then you're blown up. But before you die, you're wearing a really snazzy Spandex outfit, white with an artistic red flame design and a hockey mask, complete with a white loose hood to give the "skull" effect to your new threads.

In the city somewhere, there's a bunch of 'cubs' who make a sport of harming Sandmen (Gastapo-type policemen of this film), there's a hidden chamber where 'runners' have hidden themselves from Carousel and collected quite a nice assortment of steamy spear-like weapons that get shoved into your face if you're bringing runaway Sandmen in with you. There seems to be a lot of malls, arcades, plastic surgeons and a love-shop. There also seems to be an absolute absence of Rock and Roll bands and Disco. Which is strange considering the stylish clothing of the citizens! It's really no wonder that this place is standing on its last legs. A computer does all the thinking and it's kind of a stupid, retarded computer that can only say something like 'Does not compute' and if it doesn't compute, then it needs to re-think, at least, the Spandex death program!

This has been my Movie Review! There is no sanctuary.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Movie Review - Invisible Thread

Today is "Invisible Thread"

Starring Penn Jillette, Teller, Dick Cavett, James Randi, G. Gordon Liddy and Andy Warhol

It was a peaceful, quiet afternoon and Penn was working at his Magic Shop selling tricks, doing tricks, making up tricks, selling soda and calling the booking agents. Then the next thing you know, Feds come through the door, look at him and Teller strangely, pull out a badge, speak in esoteric jargon and drag them off to a waiting room where sooner or later they will be questioned about something that neither one of them knows anything about or what the hell it is.

They make good use of their time spilling coffee, ordering food they like, stealing various office supplies, replacing boring items with their business cards, planting their business cards on unsuspecting victims who've also been tracked down by the Feds and are waiting in that same room.

They perform card tricks and other various spectacles. Andy Warhol quietly endures, Dick Cavett seems tense and James Randi is just dealing with it. Finally they are led by the Feds into a large hangar where an alien being shaped like an icebox is threatening Earth. What can possibly save them now? Teller must insist that it can be done by means of the Invisible Thread and a bullhorn!

This has been my Movie Review! Was this your card?

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Movie Review - Damnation Alley

Today is "Damnation Alley"

Starring Jan-Michael Vincent, George Peppard and Dominique Sanda

The world gets blown up, nuked, tilted off its axis, subjected to the most severe weather patterns and windswept with killer storms and mutant insects. Amid the dust, nuclear fallout, giant bugs and crazy lightning there's a group of survivors in a military base that featured a missile silo that was used in an attempt to destroy the incoming nuclear strike on the United States. Yes, it failed. So after about two years when the radiation levels were down, Tanner (Vincent) would ride his motorcycle around stealing mannequin females and giving them as peace offerings to the angry herd of sluggish scorpions. Then when Major Denton (Peppard) finally finished the vehicles for suitable travel through tormented terrain, the base they called home for years had blown up. This was due to stupidity and no giant insects were harmed in the event.

Driving away from the devastation, in strange things with six-wheels to each axle, they seek out a radio signal. They lose one vehicle and a rather annoying militant unadventerous driver. Then they lose another guy, who sadly gets eaten by lesser insects of normal size; bloodthirsty cockroaches. But things look up when they locate a woman survivor in Las Vegas and a kid somewhere near nowhere and hell and gone. They eventually find the radio signal and the world goes back to normal as we see horses. Just regular horses. No flies the size of.

This has been my Movie Review! What happened in Vegas, stayed everywhere.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Movie Review - Dark Star

Today is "Dark Star"

Written and produced by John Carpenter and Bill Taylor

A long range spaceship is sent out into the voids of outer space to blast away planets that may become locked into gravitational pull and cause supernovae, destroying any possible means to colonize later. The ship's crew are a novel group of nearly insane men who find all life has been consumed to the point of sitting around and remembering Earth life. That when these stories are related in the movie you actually feel very sorry for them. Anyway, the character Pinback gets stuck in an elevator shaft, presses the wrong button and is forced to listen to the soundtrack of 'Figaro' while trying to chase the escaped tomato/balloon/pin-cushion type creature that eats rubber mice. The ship's Thermalstellar Bomb develops an attitude problem, thinks it's God and proceeds to blow up the ship.

This has been my Movie Review. In Benson Arizona the same stars are in the sky unless they've been blown up.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Movie Review - Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Today is "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels"

Starring Michael Caine and Steve Martin

Lawrance Jamisson (Caine) is suckering women out of fortunes by playing a noble prince who needs every penny to fight the injustices of his so-called country. Freddy Benson (Martin) is also scamming women out of money, but he plays a noble grandson to a sick and dying grandmother. Then another con-artist comes onto the scene, and takes them both for 50,000$ by being an easy victim. This film has lots to offer. Beautiful scenery of Europe and the Riviera, gracious shots of summer on the Mediterranean beaches, lush green gardens blooming under the Italian and French suns, which is one and the same, and Steve Martin running and jumping and screaming his lungs out while playing Michael Caine's brother who tries to avoid having to go to Oklahoma!

This has been my Movie Review. We're all here to help you.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Movie Review - Dragnet

Today is "Dragnet"

Starring Dan Aykroyd, Tom Hanks and Christopher Plumber

When Joe Friday (Aykroyd) and Pep Streebeck (Hanks) are assigned duties involving mysterious pagan cults and stolen bats, they get right on the case. While one is completely by-the-book, the other is completely paperback with the edges and corners all torn and comes with illustrations!

Police vehicles are stolen, snakes are loose and apparently virgins can't swim very well. Our two heroes must wear pagan get-ups to gain access into the crime-ridden pit of hell on earth. They look rather sharp. Very nice.

Dangerous chemicals and deadly gases are involved although the anaconda probably just wants to slither away in a mild state of confusion. The zoo, strip tease bars and 'Bait' magazines aren't left alone, either.

This has been my Movie Review. Just the facts.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Movie Review - Caveman

Today is "Caveman"

Starring Ringo Starr, Barbara Bach, Shelly Long and Dennis Quaid

About one billion B.C. and somewhere on October 9th, the saga of the cavemen begins. Everyone in this movie wears bearskins; the proper caveman attire, and runs away from dinosaurs. A nearby Ice Age has a lurking yeti who cannot tread ice very well. The struggle of the humble caveman goes something like a war story and unfolds like the first ever prehistoric battle of wits and territory. Due to the warlike cavemen who have a rather impressive cave community and can't stand that there are many tribes of people who may eat the earth of all its resources. Their leader is a tyrant and an all-around jerk. While the dinosaurs eat better than the cast (and including some of the cast), it's safe to assume that the earth's resources have just started to kick in with wild, butt-squeezing foliage, pools of nose-clamping crabs, massive eggs sunnyside-up, and plenty of weird red berry plants that can knock-out any macha that comes along. Also a handy rooster/cricket/coyote dinosaur that greets both sunrise and moonrise.

No one speaks any English, they all speak a primitive form of Macha Latin. Except for this one guy who DOES speak English, and speaks it very well. Yeah, he's the Chinese guy in this film.

This has been my Movie Review. Mind your step!

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Movie Review - Clash Of The Titans

Today is "Clash of the Titans"

Starring Harry Hamlin, Judi Bowker, Maggie Smith, Ursula Andress, Neil McCarthy and Laurence Olivier

Far be it from the gods to actually have reasoning in their designs woven with jealous traits and vanity flaws, but for some reason, a hero is born out of this mess and comes to greatness via the bumblings of sea-worthy coffins, decent amphitheater living conditions and extravagant gifts. The hero spies the princess Andromeda (Bowker) sleeping, before her dreaming soul wanders into a cage that's flown by a giant buzzard. So up front we know we are dealing with swamps, rivers to underworlds, mount Olympus and a city riddled with curses and bonfires galore. A world of asylum-like craziness.

Perseus (Hamlin) is the son of Zeus and in love. While he claims the right as Andromeda's future betrothed due to answering a riddle correctly and Zeus (Olivier) having punished Calibos (McCarthy), which of course has Thetis (Smith) vexed to no end, he still must fulfill some dreaded task. Calibos being Thetis's son and Andromeda's former lover was dropped like a hot potato when he was deformed. His mother then dropped her marbled statue's head upon the wedding proceedings of Andromeda and Perseus. Now Perseus must undergo a grueling adventure of lurking in witch's cave-like shrines, isles of the dead and a host of creatures that either threaten or squeak persistently at him. He has the aid of a timid flying horse named Pegasus. The goddess Aphrodite (Andress) has very little to say but has somehow fixed this whole thing to work out in her favor by way of a stone-rendering spell that she came up with to make Medusa what Medusa was.

The sparse army which accompanies Perseus does fine in battle but still end up dead when there's a surprise around every corner. Medusa's head survived a lot longer in the plot than Medusa as a whole, did. Delivering a killing blow to an ancient sea-monster.

This has been my Movie Review. In my mind's eye I see a headache.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Movie Review - Close Encounters

Today is "Close Encounters"

Close Encounters of the First Kind (Dark Desert Highway With A Big Stupid Light)

This UFO Drama unfolds immediately with bizarre occurrences. First we have Mr. French guy going out to a Mexican desert out in the middle of nowhere to investigate a UFO sighting. Nobody knows why the French guy is there, he seems to have utterly no purpose in the movie other than to speak French and to show a set of hand signals that will be used later on in the movie. Then we see another guy, who is just as irritating as the French guy, who was hired to, you guessed it, to translate what the French guy says. Formally he had studied maps. So there these two characters hang in history as being the most useless team of investigators for UFO sightings.

But the comedy doesn't stop there…oh no…next thing you know, there are B-52 Bombers that went missing back during WWII and ended up in this stupid Mexican desert out in the middle of nowhere.


(Aliens)

"Hey Bob, let's get rid of these airplanes."
"Okay."
"Let's drop them off in Mexico. No Border Patrol there."
"Okay…but we gotta put them way out there where nobody will find them."
"Sure thing, but while we're dropping these off let's make a lot of noise and pretend to be a heliocentric singing monstrosity."
"Okay. Will do."

(Earthlings)

"Why are these planes here?"
"Beats the shit outta me."
"Mon Dieu!"
"That guy over there says the sun came out last night and sang to him."
"Merde!"

Close Encounters of the Second Kind (Let's Mess with the Lights, Railroads and Mongolians)

After realizing that Mexico would probably be severely guarded by every force known to humankind, the UFOs seem to have left the area! But hey, there's this quaint little town or two in Indiana, so naturally a few blackouts wouldn't be that obvious. Nah, why stop at a few blackouts? Take out the whole freakin' town! Wizz by an airplane or two, shake up those railroad crossings that are so annoying and check everyone's mailbox and then beat the crap out of them. Shine bright lights, take pictures, use the 1000x bright flashes for this purpose. Destroy someone's ice-box, put all the food in the floor! Make note; come back later to kidnap little boy.

(Aliens)

"Hey this stupid boat is taking up way too much room, let's get rid of it!"
"Yeah we should learn the art of abducting humans without taking their stupid monstrosities with them."
"I've been working on a plan. We could use a vacuum-sucking type thing to abduct earth peeps. We'll test it on that little boy when we abduct him."
"Okay. So where are we dropping off this boat?"
"I've got it! How about the Gobi Desert in Mongolia! Nobody ever goes there, even when the weather's good."
"That's a brilliant plan!"

(Earthlings)

"We've been getting all this radar. It's in numbers and two sets of three numbers each."
"Hey this set of numbers sounds like that song they were singing in India when they reported UFOs."
"Hey before I was hired to speak French, I used to read maps. This first number is a longitude. They're not co-ordinates for the sky, this is Earth-based."
"We're popular with the aliens. We rock. They wanna probe us."

Close Encounters of the Third Kind (Devil's Tower as a Filler For Lack of a Script)

Nevermind that the alien technology is never even touched upon in this movie, but none of the reasons for what they're doing even comes into play, or question, or speculation. It's as if everything is so completely accepted that even the government is playing right along. In real life this wouldn't be the case. The government would try to kill or exploit anything coming within even the slightest layer of the stratosphere after all these strange encounters that have left major evidence of its advanced technology.

Leaving all these ancient relics belonging to the government in all these foreign countries, that if you were the United States government, you'd probably take that as an insult. Their planes in Mexico. Their ships in Mongolia. I mean what is the message here? But you needn't worry about the government being insulted in this flick, because this script will insult your intelligence on almost every level! It isn't just the way they wave extraterrestrial life in your face as if to say that aliens are entertaining by being the most ridiculous of all life-forms in the galaxy, it's the way they put together Earthling characters that are so detestable, that you want the aliens to kill them! A man whose wife is unrealistically close-minded, is too distracted by shiny objects. A head of some Army unit putting the Vulcan neck-pinch on cattle and other God's creatures to clear the area around Devil's Tower National Monument and still, there's the French guy.

(Aliens)

"The vacuum suck-a abduct-a worked! We got the kid!"
"Hooray. He smells."
"Now what?"
"Hey that song, that's our new space theme…let's put it to a video!"
"Hey wow…where do we film the video?"
"How about that Devil's Tower?"
"Oh but that's on Earth! We'd never be able to get a video filmed there!"
"Sure we can, we'll drop off all these abducted Earthlings and we'll be famous!"
"We should land, scare the hell out of the Earthlings, come out of the ship and say 'You're in BIG TROUBLE!'"
"Nah, we're just there to entertain, do a concert, not set them straight."

(Earthlings)

"Look it's Devil's Tower."
"That's pretty."
"Okay, let's go."

Close Encounters of the Fourth Kind (We Are the Universe, We Sing Songs, We're Nice, Non-Violent, Stupid)

So, after realizing that nobody's going to act like real people in this movie (except for maybe Richard Dreyfus) you begin to not mind so much the inconsistencies and that many years later the scene where the little boy is abducted (wherein aliens try to find a way into the house through locked doors, shut windows, fireplace chimneys, and vents) is used to better effect in Mel Gibson's movie 'Signs'…and that movie isn't all that great on explaining alien presence either!

The UFOs do a great deal of damage when coming into contact with minor earth-based items, such as houses, mailboxes, etc. but amazingly when their outdoor concert is in full swing, and they're flying at random all over the place, nothing or no one seems to be pelted into oblivion! Only a mere glass window breaks, but that's because the UFO farted. In musical tones, of course.

The aliens aren't acting like aliens either! You really, truly want them to kill somebody. You look forward to it. But it never happens. Then after they show themselves to be kinda wishy-washy, you want the government to take out a few of the aliens! Either way you're reduced to tears as the sweet return of the little boy to his mother pulls on all your heart-strings. Then you cry for yourself because nobody is gonna be put out of their (or your) misery!

They fly back off into outer-space like a gigantic floating elf village full of candy and happy, happy thoughts! Where are the Men in Black when you need them?

This has been my Multiple Movie Review of just One Movie!

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Movie Review - Congo

Today is "Congo"

Starring Dylan Walsh, Laura Linney, Ernie Hudson and Tim Curry

A satellite communications corporation has spotted what is to be believed an uncharted diamond mine in the deep forests of the Congo region. While an expedition team has already been eaten by the natives of the area, the corp. sends out another team. Meanwhile a teacher who wishes to return his beloved gorilla, Amy, to her own home in the jungles, an enterprising world traveler Herkermer Homolka (Curry) sees an opportunity to find the legendary kingdom of Zinj, which happens to be the same place where other unfortunate teams eventually became dinner.

Dr. Karen Ross (Linney) and the expedition leader Monroe Kelly (Hudson) get an airplane overseas, then while at a central African airport, the airport is attacked. They find their way steadily to the destination of their starting point, which will lead them into the Congo and eventually to the diamond mine. Nevermind that after the airport was blown up, their escape plane was shot at by rocket-launchers, causing them to have to jump to save their lives, there's an unknown species (akin to the gorilla) lurking and waiting.

Congo offers the solace that you are the endangered species, and that traveling through foreign countries can be survived, if you have a parachute.

This has been my Movie Review. Feel the spirit of Africa.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Movie Review - Curse of the Pink Panther

Today is "Curse Of The Pink Panther"

Starring David Niven, Robert Wagner, Capucine, Harvey Korman and Ted Wass as 'Clifton Sleigh' and Directed by Blake Edwards

When the great detective Chief Inspector Clouseau disappears, the president of France contacts the former boss of the missing detective. As you will soon realize no one in either the law enforcement or in the gangs associated with crime lords, not to mention the crime lords themselves want him to be found. So, then by computer another detective is selected to seek out this well-loved (or well-hated) French Inspector. The policeman who is selected then flies to France to start on his case. He will, by the end of his first few days of hunting down this elusive Chief Inspector, manage to wreck an airport security terminal, cause the French Head Chief of Police to fall two floors from an open window, land a parachuting-water sport canopy into a pool of volcanic mud, blow up an entire floor of a small hotel and fall into the notorious Phantom's swimming pool.

While he's at it, he also gets a burly cab driver in the line of fire and causes the driver to roll the car. And because they're being chased on those famous rolling hillsides of wherever they are in France, the car flips and keeps going down the road at top speed, upside down. Roger Moore makes a special appearance in this hysterical film. As Clifton Sleigh (Ted Wass) continues his search for the famous CHIEF inspector. He wonders how it came to be that he was chosen out of all those millions by a sarcastic computer that hums Moon River backwards.

This has been my Movie Review! Have a happy day.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Movie Review - Beetlejuice

Today is "Beetlejuice"

Starring Michael Keaton, Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin

The summer sun shines down upon the green lush town of Winter River. A lovely couple (Davis and Baldwin) are enjoying a relaxing vacation at home, listening to those nostalgic Harry Belafonte songs. They go out for a quick errand. On the way home they carefully avoid running over a dog, standing in the middle of the road next to a bridge, and skillfully careen the car and crash into what looks like a very shallow creek, and die rather sloppily.

While being dead, they find a book that details in stereo instruction manual form welcoming information on the 'other side'. The realtor doesn't even wait till their bodies are cold in the ground before selling their house to a small family. The tragic, mysterious daughter is the only one who can see the ghosts of the deceased couple. She takes photographs.

Beetlejuice is being his normal self. In this movie the ghosts run amok while avoiding saying the name Beetlejuice three times. The live-in interior designer creates an environment not too different from the 'other side' and Beetlejuice himself lives in a model replica of the town, that's collecting dust in the attic.

The living family invites people over to see ghosts and sculptures. Beetlejuice wants to live again and gets the living yet suicidal daughter placed in a situation of marriage to be legal. Dead or alive. And if that wasn't enough, the lovely couple invite the family who invited their circle of friends to pester them, to continue to live in their house. The same house that had no organic flow-through. Mainly because it was a house that leaned more to being a haunt for ghosts and not too far away from Saturn.

This has been my Movie Review. Have a happy millennium.