MST3K Teenage Crime Wave Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Stop staring at me, you phone! (1:05:18)
Aahhh! (1:05:35)
Huh? What's it doing? (29:26)
Why? What does it mean? (37:33)
Here's the one you wanted, sucker! (1:15:59)
Oh the teenage crime wave. Shh. (1:06:28)
Shh we escape. (1:51)
Where d'you think you're going? (1:07:27)
Nothing. (2:48)
Well you think again. (1:07:31)
That was completely uncalled for. (46:27)
Just keep it inside... (1:08:21)
You fool! (1:13:13)
Learn how to hide your feelings. (1:08:22)
You're yellow and you're stupid and you're trigger happy! (1:13:27)
(Cries) (1:25:53)

From The Shout! Box Set #33 XXXIII

MST3K Agent For H.A.R.M. Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Michael J Nelson, you are charged with crimes against man and nature. (3:05)
Lot of folks round these parts have been throwing the word 'world-destroyer'
around like a bone for old blue. Ha ha ha ha. (21:25)
Hey, nice torte. (20:54)
Whoa Mike's gonna hang. (5:32)
Hey that's pretty extreme! (5:33)
Yeah, yeah, Mike! Aagghhh! (2:48)
So you blow yourself up a planet, does that make you a world-destroyer?
Hmm? (21:32)
And let the trial begin! (gavel pounding) (5:05)
I'm Gypsy, and Mike Nelson totally didn't do it. (40:07)
Well, he's guilty, he blew up them planets near as you please! Ha ha! (22:20)
Da da DA DA! (53:22)
Ba da BA DA! (31:08)
Da da DA DA! No, uh, maybe not. (29:32)
  
From The Shout! Box Set #33 XXXIII

MST3K Hercules Menu Ensembles

Hercules
The Menu
The Episode

Yes-yes-it's-over-the... mumbling (30:55)
Heh heh heh heh (30:56)
See? Hah. This can still be fun. (1:12:04)
Okay. (1:12:06)
AH! (1:07:19)
T' the hell? (1:20:00)
Where is Jason? (1:12:10)
Look what you did, bad! (12:59)
Jason! (1:12:13)
It's a murderer, nothing to worry about. (13:40)
Courage. (42:29)
Yech, this is really weird, Herc. (10:40)
Enough! I'm tired of doing all these senseless things for the gods. (38:43)
Come on! For 2000 years can we finally admit the emperor has no clothes? (21:37)
Would you just... (41:48)
Will you have a piece? (10:32)
I weep for the death of the spirit and the soul. (23:11)
Hey want some meat? (10:26)
Gee, I feel bad. (54:03)
Oop, saw him move, ha, just kidding. Sorry. (36:46)
And-and Jason, what about Jason? (1:26:26)
You will never be Jason. (1:17:10)
Alright, gawd. (1:17:37)
Now listen to me. (38:53)
What are you doing? (54:10)
You are dead, aren't you? (36:33)
Wait. (27:42)
J-oh-ho! (32:34)
Maybe we should...RUN! (52:10)
Golly are, oh ho, boy, whoa! (1:14:01)
Look at the poor dope. (1:00:40)
Now get outta here, you bum. (30:02)
Thank you gods, thank you so bloody much! (1:15:04)
But anyway, it's still a nice day, huh? (35:50)
Good night, folks. (1:07:26)

From The Shout! Box Set #32 XXXII


Hercules And The Captive Women
The Menu
The Episode

Oh this is so nice, just you 'n me and...him. (49:39)
Ah-zah don't do that! (52:31)
Go away. (26:14)
Hey, Hercules put him down. (17:14)
Uh-hah. (14:18)
Okay. (49:44)
Ugh. You are one spooky lizard. (28:17)
That's it? (1:01:28) or (1:08:23)
Leave here now or you'll be dead by nightfall. (26:20)*
Oh crap I'm outta here. Buh bye. (1:22:19)
Hey bring me a magazine! (14:59)
Okay. (13:44)
I changed my mind. (13:45)
(Punching sounds)
Uh oh. (1:07:51)
Meanwhile six weeks later. (1:21:13)
I don't want intruders on my island. (26:16)
Oh quit crying we got problems, too. (1:27:26)
Uuhh! (1:10:35)
You know everyone has abandonment issues. (5:39)
(an 'Ah-tu' like sound) (1:11:41)
(Flames)
(Servo blowing out flames) (13:30)**

*From the original film without the MST3K riffing.
**I think this sound bit was simply looped once to get the second blowing out fire sound.

From The Shout! Box Set #29 XXIX


Hercules Against The Moon Men
Does not have an animated menu (from Volume #7)

Hercules Unchained
Does not have an animated menu (from Volume #7)

MST3K San Francisco International Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Come on, kid. Get your act together! (16:34)
I'm not following you, my friend. (38:23)
Now let's try that again. (1:21:33)
No way. (38:25)
Oh my. Mister Sensitive! (1:29:18)
Here. (1:11:44)*
Dah, dah, dah, dah... (1:22:09)
Gotcha! (40:24)
MST3K sounding off signal (1:31:37)
Musical Interlude (not in episode)
Oh that was a très bien merde, ugh. (29:05)

*This bit was taken from {Outlaw of Gor} which is directly linked in its timestamp.

From The Shout! Box Set #32 XXXII

MST3K Radar Secret Service Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Here does it hurt when I...? Oww! Ooh it does. (1:27:56)
Hi, who you holding for? (1:28:03)
Work your evil magic radar thingy! (33:44)
Just a minute. (1:15:45)
Right. Ahem. (1:13:17)
Oh hi! (1:25:51)
It's not better than radar, is it? (39:03)
Radar! That's right, radar makes a big return! We're back on track with radar! Ah! (1:15:13)
Oh, I want them to like me, oh maybe I should just introduce myself. (58:25)
Wanna play Yahzee or something? (1:18:10)*
Hey! (46:25)
Ever think about God? He's up there, you know. (1:21:02)
Ah, ah, wow. Incredible. (42:28)
Hey I wanna read the, the, I...oh. (34:19)
I know. (1:17:59)
Dah! (1:12:07)
Bah! (27:26)
Hahaha. (1:12:06)
Beh-eh-eh (27:27)
Thanks to radar the scene promptly ends. (1:02:32)

*The line "Wanna play Yahzee or something" is actually from the episode of San Francisco International which I linked in the timestamp above.
The music used is probably from the end credits of the film. The three lines over the intercom was probably added by Dave Long as they were not found in any part of the episode to the best of my knowledge.

From The Shout! Box Set #32 XXXII

MST3K Space Travelers Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Ironman One, Ironman One, this is Houston. Do you read me? (40:05)
This is Ironman. (14:11)
Poor bastard thinks he's a spaceman, heh heh. (15:09)
Why don't you get us out of here?! (50:54)**
Whoa. (32:03)
What's he doing? (39:43)
Uh, roger that, Ironman. Advise you adjust your attitude. (40:11)
Yes, yes. (11:14)
Oh what the hell difference does it make? What's going on down there? (50:51)**
Aw. You know, he's always good, isn't he? (14:02)
What the hell do you know about it? (1:07:19)**
Clearing throat sounds. (3:47)
Ah! (48:56)
Oh nothing. Nothing! (42:46)
Sorry everyone. Sorry. Heh. (50:36)
Uh, say this, right there. (21:26)
Don't tell me what to do. (1:18)*
Man, Hackman's really good in this. (16:36)
Wheewww. Yeah. (1:08:05)
What are we gonna do? (1:05:31)**
Well. I think I'll play a little Super Mario, if you don't mind. (1:07:52)
What? (49:42)
Let the carnage begin heh heh. (8:32)
Sigh (1:16:38)

*A line that's from the original film but cut for time. There is a clip of the scene where this comes from though at 1:18 of {Marooned} which is its real title.
**From the original film without the MST3K riffing.

From The Shout! Box Set #32 XXXII

MST3K Jungle Goddess Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

We better hurry! (1:15:25)
Wait up! (1:21:21)
(gun shot and cooing sound) (1:30:18)
(gun shot) (1:28:39)
Coconut take that. (1:29:06)
I don't trust him. (1:10:17)
Did he go on another wild shooting spree? (1:32:59)
Hey look! (1:12:53)
What, in Africa? (37:34)
Shh! (37:35)
Mmm! (1:25:55)
Think you better leave now. (1:05:52)
Did you kill 'em? (1:14:59)
Ugh. (47:48)
Cause I kill indiscriminately. (1:04:35)
Get real. (1:18:20)
(gun shot) (39:35)
Take that ya stinking coconut. (1:28:40)
(lion roars) (55:56)
Hello kitty cat. (lion roars) (38:05)
(scream) (55:58)
Oh quit screaming, I'm sorry about the coconut. (1:29:25)
(lion sound) (1:21:24)
Whoa. (11:52)
(lion sound) (1:21:24)
G'eh-g'eh (1:12:38)
I will kill you! (1:13:11)
(lion sound) (1:21:25)
(gun shot) (1:33:38)
(lion sound) (1:21:24)
Oh God! Ooh. Ooh. (1:33:38)
I feel so funky. (47:49)
We've got to get going. (1:19:03)
Oh shut up. (1:19:04)
(music) (1:31:50)

From The Shout! Box Set #31 XXXI

MST3K The Painted Hills Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Where's Shep? (1:15:08)
(menacing laughing) (1:15:34)
We're having beef-a-roni! (1:07:52)
Tommy! (20:58)
You like refried poison...beans, beans! (1:07:34)
(barking) (1:21:20)*
Gee, I'm sure glad to see you. (1:16:43)
(barking) (18:36)
Mr. Shep, you have a nasty habit of surviving. (1:20:49)
Shep, what is it? (1:08:13)
Hey, that's good poison. (56:22)
Heh heh, snausage, honey? Heh heh. (1:24:48)
(dog growling) (40:48) or (40:56)**
I'll be right back. (1:08:03)
Shut your hole, Tommy. (1:19:43)
Get your dog outta here. (19:57)
(bark) (47:48)
Come on, Shep. (1:20:07)
(bark) (47:10)
Three years later. (1:22:46)
Sit down and eat your stew. (33:09)
Got any Mrs. Dash? (31:45)
(menacing laughter) (1:07:43)
Mm mm mah, I miss Lassie. Mm mm. (dog sounding concerned) (55:23)

*The sound effects of the dog barking is pretty much throughout the film. It's why Lassie has the same 4 or 5 lines all the time.
**The growling here is also repeated in other parts of the film.

From The Shout! Box Set #31 XXXI

MST3K The Screaming Skull Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Come on, bring it in tough guy, come on. (1:02:03)
Please don't do this! (1:05:53)
(imitating thumping sounds) Help me! (thumping sounds) (40:32)
Hey. (21:45)
Yeah, death's hard, ain't it? (59:34)
Shut up. (1:00:08)
Anyway, how are you? (29:12)
Any questions? (1:27:25)
(scream) (1:20:51)
Uh, well it's Hell for you then. (58:42)
Come on, you son of a... (1:26:14)
Ugh-whoo-whee-hee! (1:03:54)
Get a box! (giggling) (30:01)
Don't you make that skull face at me, Missy! (1:17:14)
Rahhh! (1:07:45) or (1:09:10)*
I hate it when people die, they make such a big deal out of it. (13:53)
Tsk I know. (13:55)
(screaming sound) (giggle) (44:19)
Shut up. (26:49)

*Both 'Rahhh' sounds are strikingly similar.

 From The Shout! Box Set #31 XXXI

MST3K Squirm Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Disgusting! (44:08)
What's the matter? (18:30)
No ma'am, Miss Saunders, ma'am (17:35)
What? (54:34)
Well squirm, I guess (1:18:48)
I hate it. (44:13)
Oh come on, Roger. (38:37)
Don't! (32:19)
(springing sound) (6:37)
Aaaah! (1:06:42)
No! (58:31)
Well hey.
Hey! (11:52)
Squirmy the squirm sprite they call me. So you didn't like the movie huh?
Yeah. (38:48)
And crappy old movies like this, it's important to keep them alive.
I don't care there's still buttloaf. (6:15)*
We'll see how you like it.
Aren't no big deal. (46:01)
No squirm. Did I mention no squirm?
She's mine! (1:11:52)
Wh-whoa! (1:12:29)
I regret nothing!
Buh bye! So long! (1:22:04)
I don't understand. (29:02)**
Oh sister, let me tell you. Hahuhuhuoo. (36:42)

*This line was edited from "I don't care there's still butter and meatloaf" combining the butt from butter and loaf from meatloaf.
**From the original movie in a scene that wasn't in the episode but I linked in the time stamp to the original movie where the line occurs.
The yellow text indicates that those lines are added in by Dave Long and not in the MST3K episode at all.

From The Shout! Box Set #31 XXXI

MST3K The Black Scorpion Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Hello, hello. (16:02)
Okay. (1:07:42)
Get me I'm a bendy doll. (1:05:30)
(Laughing) (19:08)
(Sniffing) (1:27:46)
Is that you, or is it starting to smell like beef in here? (1:27:48)
(Rattling sound) Huh? Huh? Hmm? (12:36)
(Gasp) (36:54)*
Holy buckets. (1:03:23)
Wait a second. (1:24:59)
(Insect sound) Ughhh! (insect sound) (1:01:53)
Yeah that black scorpion is terrific, it's very realistic. (1:13:04)
Shee-Sheesh. (13:24)
(monster sound) (14:58)
I'm just plain terrified. (1:00:04)
Wanna bet? (1:08:16)
(Squeaking sound) (35:07)**
Oh we thought it was Ray Harryhausen. (1:13:13)
(monster sound) (36:12)
Yuck! (1:01:01)
Yech. (43:43)
Whoo! (47:26)
Ugh! (41:39)
Your breath is like mummy meat. (1:09:39)
  
*This sound is more like a sharp breath and happens so quickly that it's easy to miss.
**Looped.

From The Shout! Box Set #30 XXX

MST3K Outlaw (of Gor) Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Tarl Cabot is yours, your majesty, yours! (1:06:57)
Hey guys! (43:46)
Oh please, let's not have another vague scene. (1:13:31)
All kneel to Lara, Queen of Koruba. (1:20:31)
Or not, whatever is okay with you guys. (1:20:35)
Hey! (5:02)
Aa ha ha ha, you Cabot, ehh... (1:14:04)
He must be killed! (1:08:17)
I'm supposed to be some kind of freakin' wizard! (1:09:42)
Wha ha ha ha hoo! (5:06)
What? (18:38)
I like it, I like... (1:28:26)
Thank you. (1:22:38)
I've got a a good one, uh, uh how about (1:28:11)
Why? Why? (1:09:55)
Are you satisfied? (1:07:42)
Uh, awkward moment. (1:06:14)
Wha ha ha ha hoo! (5:06)
Ahoo hoo hoo! (23:27)
Whee hee hee! (1:10:36)
Go! (19:06)

*Thanks again to Dave Long for his help on this one by sending the .wav file to the weird Tom Servo laugh.

From The Shout! Box Set #30 XXX

MST3K The Projected Man Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Projected man! (27:34)
Come on, pizza face, get your projected butt out here. (1:22:35)
Nothing can help me. (1:23:39)
What? (29:50)
Stop right there, careful. (1:08:56)
I need power. (1:17:23)
What? (29:50)
No, don't touch that, or that, or that. (1:05:31)
Uh, I really control it and stuff, uh. (15:57)
No! (17:42)
(raspy breathing) (1:23:39)
That I'm beginning to understand. (1:11:38)
What? (29:50)
(sound of a switch) We're on! (9:21)
Whoo hoo! Yay, heh heh, whoo hoo, there they go. Hmm. (25:27)
There, he's projected, the end. (9:17)
Pshew! (1:11:33)
Ugly dummy. (27:12)

From The Shout! Box Set #30 XXX

MST3K It Lives By Night Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

(Sounds of bats in cave) Ah come on, you're pinching my wing! (1:25:08)
Look, he's spying on us, you guys. (1:01:46)
Something down here makes me feel primitive. (13:53)
Be groovy, okay. (26:31)
Look. (1:05:23)
I'm a bat. (1:05:25)
Oh hi. (22:21)
I mean, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. (1:21:37)
I'm not a bat! I mean, uh... (36:24)
(snores and whistles) Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. (41:56)
You can go home now. (7:16)
(man screaming/woman screaming) (40:59/1:16:27)
Devils! Death! (3:03)
(screaming gasping sound) (1:16:29?)
Kathy! (14:19)
I hope that's okay. (1:15:15)
Do we get outta here? (14:47)
Kathy! (14:23)
Whoo we got 'em! (25:37)
Stop it. (9:13)
Ha ha ha ha ha. (6:10)

From The Shout! Box Set #30 XXX

MST3K The Thing That Couldn't Die Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Go on, do it. Heh heh. Go on. (13:36)
Open me! Mmh mmh mmh. (1:14:06)
So how do you like my new body? Hmm? (56:19)
Ah sure, but let's get back to work now. (1:20:23)
It's hard science. (9:42)
Really, why? (14:35)
Cause it comes from Hell. (16:25)
Okay. (11:10)
Well. Uh. Mm. (21:00)
Uh? Uh? Uh huh. (2:06)
Ah. Ah. Oh my. Well...yeah, yeah. (2:09)
Ah! Yeah. (2:18)
That's weird. (1:12:25)
Oh no, she's getting squishy. (13:30)
'S that really a good idea? (4:26 & 1:20:04)*
Hey! Jerk! (25:06)
I guess I'll just have a pork chop. (1:22:32)

*In the menu Servo is saying "'s that really a good idea?" but in the linked episode he is saying "is this really a good idea?" The line was created out of two separate lines and edited together. The line at the beginning of the episode when Servo says 'no bodies, that is fantastic!' was used. It was that line that was placed right before the line 'really a good idea'. Both timestamps are noted.

From The Shout! Box Set #29 XXIX

MST3K The Pumaman Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

With my brains and your beauty. (12:35)
(menacing laughter) (1:06:16)
There he is. (1:06:27)
Pumaman! (1:02:05)
The slack-wearing superhero. (55:52)
What do you want from me? (22:19)
Hahahahaha no I mean you look great. Really. (30:14)
Who are you anyway? (22:11)
I can make you wobble. (1:15:05)
Oops missed him better go home, I did what I could. (1:21:11)
Lemme try! (12:02)
You idiot! (34:43)
Uh, didn't have quite the impact I was hoping. (1:12:27)
(menacing laugh) (1:19:23)
(nervous laugh) (6:06)
Bye pal. (35:19)
Whoa hey! (22:23)
Oh no you...whoa-whoa-look out! Oh! Oh Mrs. English lady, etc. (58:11)
(mocking scared sounds) (58:15)
I have slacks like that. (1:08:24)

From The Shout! Box Set #29 XXIX

MST3K Untamed Youth Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Oh man, I'm not getting paid enough. (1:09:20)
Bob. (1:09:21)
Happy birthday! (1:14:12)
Thanks very large. (47:17)
Get rid of that! (26:11)
Hey, watch what you're doing there. (1:50)
Come here! (15:11)*
Ouch! (3:13)
You got 15 minutes to get off of this place. (15:25)
Stupid human. (1:14:04)
That's just about enough outta you, buster. (1:10:22)
D'ohh! (3:26)
Okay, kid. On your way. (26:24)
Stop calling me kid! (50:38)
You're halfway back to the pokey right now. (21:06)
Can I watch? (43:45)
I can take care of myself. (50:28)
Got a shove. Bye bye. Oh. (36:18)
I'm cooking with Crisco now? (2:31)
Go. (56:13)
Medic. (1:02:56)
Ugh! (43:18)
(slight goofy sound) (40:32)
Hey, I got a girl, I got a girl. (40:32)
Oh thank you, thank you, thank you. (49:29)
Nice tag. (7:24)
He's a fighter. (1:23:46)

*From the original film without the riffing, which is at (4:30) in this clip of {Untamed Youth}.

From The Shout! Box Set #29 XXIX

MST3K Moon Zero Two Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

(sung) Moon zero two (1:32:36)
Ugh! (24:09)
Hey-hey the cartoon has landed. (4:52)
Oops. (1:07:02)
Oops. (29:08)
Looks like we got company. (1:07:03)
Whoa! (1:14:53)
Oh my. (42:54)
Darn those space coons, they got into the garbage again. (9:51)
Hey. He's on the other side. He's where you were. (5:46)
I got it. I got it okay. (1:36:04)
Hey he flipped him off. (12:12)
Thank you very much. (58:41)
Darn coons in my rickin frakin sumin... (10:36)
Rock it, Joel. (5:53)
So long suckers. (1:31:22)
Ya, yee ah, yee ah! Fire it, Sparky. (1:32:29)
Ya Hoo. Whoo. Whoo hoo*. (1:32:32)
Whoo hoo hoo! (1:32:33-34)

*Most likely repeated from the 'whoo hoo hoo' bit with one 'hoo' left out. However there is a very similar 'Whoo hoo' in the episode {Operation Double 007} that occurs at 51:54. But I believe the sound bit here is actually from Moon Zero Two though.

 From The Shout! Box Set #28 XXVIII

MST3K The Day The Earth Froze Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Make the witch a Sampo, what the heck was I thinking anyway? (55:30)
Where the frickin' Sampo, or the crit of witch krit krafs. (47:58)
What have we here? (1:20:39)
Morning. (1:00:35)
Mmm, a good heft. (53:40)
I need the Sampo. (42:12)
(snickers) (31:49)
Unh! (56:20)*
Okay, okay, okay. (42:45)
How's the Sampo? (1:01:36)
Sorry, Sampo's off. (49:50)
Ahhhh! (54:25)
Oh I hate this infernal routine. (49:03)
This is my favorite bit he does, watch this, it's good. Ho-ho-hoo! (1:02:21)
(sung) He failed to bring back the Sampo! Sampo! (1:03:09)
(sung) We shall die of starvation! Sampo! (1:03:12)
How much longer do you expect me to put up with your absurdness so? (25:55)
Ahem. (1:21:21)
Well you don't have to yell. (40:38)
Just shut up. (31:30)
Remember the Sampo, buddy. (1:26:02)

*From {Rocket Attack USA} which is linked in the timestamp.

From The Shout! Box Set #28 XXVIII

MST3K The Leech Woman Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Make a hole people, white man. (50:51)
Oh hello. (57:41)
Hey Crow. (2:42)
You are the one in my dreams of blood. (12:31)
Eh, she says that to everybody. (18:30)
Just tuck your head in there real nice like. (1:12:27)
Oh! Okay, I feel a little silly, but okay. (1:12:29)
Tom, I don't mean to butt in but... (49:44)
Now! No! (1:28:22)
No! What? Ah Mike? (1:11:49)
Yeah? (51:14)
Heh heh, okay honey, the joke's over. (52:01)
(laughing) (1:11:44)
Now go on. Scram, pal. (55:03)
Go rock someone's world. (55:26)
Don't you want to see me made young again? (39:26)
Eh, to hell with it. (1:18:54)
Yes! (42:47)
Hey! (3:36) or (58:44)
Who wants pineal? (52:18)
(sung) Pineal. (1:00:42)
Oh I guess I'm fine. (37:09)

From The Shout! Box Set #28 XXVIII