MST3K Teenage Cave Man Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Doodoodoo, doodoodoo...d'huh? (1:23:04)
What's this? (1:28:56)
Ross. (20:25)
Oh him again. (1:06:35)
I'm Trumpy! Oh yeah. (54:35)
What a dope. (1:21:34)
Hey buddy, want an apple? Hahahah. (53:25)
Whoa! (16:54)
Uh oh. (59:37)
That's nice. (18:34)
Hmm? Uh, let me guess, he's evil? (1:08:41)
I love you, come on, you can say it. Come on. (1:19:53)
Uh I love you too. (1:19:57)
Wild cat! (16:42)
(laughing) (1:16:00)
That guy's pretty, that guy's funny. Yeah actually. (1:16:03)

From The Shout! Box Set #35 XXXV

MST3K The She-Creature Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Come back, come back, gotta... (35:26)
K, I'm under your command but do you have to micro-manage me? (56:28)
Uh, who jiffed in here? Ewh! (1:19:11)
Hi. (1:12:47)
Don't let it all hang down, please. (19:46)
Oh how convenient. (50:07)
Well he is kinda cute. (58:02)*
(singing) I don't know how to love him. (58:04)
No bad! (1:24:28)
Please, pretty please. (52:47)
No! No! (1:24:30)
Oh we don't have to. (35:18)
Oh cut the crap! (56:33)
(breathing) (58:53)**
D'ugh! (1:25:51)
That had no affect on me. (1:17:03)
Starts kinda slow and then fizzles out altogether. (40:53)
She creature, teh! (5:16)
Go creep some fish ya square head! (39:07)
Hmm-heh-nyeh. (41:50)

*This line was obviously spliced in a way to sound like Crow is saying 'she' instead of 'he'.
**Looped.

From The Shout! Box Set #34 XXXIV

MST3K The Undead Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

(laughing) Hello Mike. (1:25:21)
I'm an imp! (1:09:55)
Imp. (1:25:23)
You care to make a wager, friend? (1:20:18)
So let's recap, what exactly is the agreement here? (1:03:37)
I knew you'd dabble in my art one day. (1:02:37)
I trust you implicitly. (39:39)
Uh, that's it. We're doomed. Yeah. (7:32)
(laughing) (1:04:04)
Huh, parallel universe. (51:35)
What were we talking about? (54:40)
Next. Now serving number seventy-two. (1:03:42)
Hi, who are you? (46:34)
I am the fool Smolkin, bewitched and robbed of all his senses. (22:03)*
'Cuse me, gotta find a litterbox. (27:50)
(meow meow)**
This makes no sense. (1:18:12)
Whoo, it's bad this time. (3:27)
Pass. (1:17:59)
I know you. (1:02:25)
Please get me out of this film. (36:47)
Leave me alone, you booger. (1:15:27)
There. Sure glad I don't look stupid in this. (56:41)
Bottomline, can we kill the imp? Please. (1:13:25)

*Without the Mike's giggling.
**Added sound effect, not in the episode as far as I know.

From The Shout! Box Set #34 XXXIV

MST3K War Of The Colossal Beast Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

You get that? (31:04)
Ah! Mm-Mmm (smacking sound) (51:10)
Ah! Mm-Mmm (smacking sound) (51:10)
Breasts. Uh-Huh? (24:18)
Ah! Mm-Mmm (smacking sound) (51:10)
Breasts. Uh-huh? (24:18)
Ah! (51:10)
Bragger. (47:29)
Mm-Mmm (smacking sound) (51:11)
Breasts. Uh-huh? (24:18)
Ah! (51:10)
Bragger. (47:29)
Mm-Mmm (smacking sound) (51:11)
Breasts. Uh-huh? (24:18)
Ah! (51:10)
Bragger. (47:29)
(flute sound) Ahh! Ah! (7:08)
When you reach for that music over there to make you feel better, you... (12:11)
(gasp) (31:22)
I got your message! (12:14)
Go away! (12:46)
No don't. Let's get acquainted! No, let's not! (7:13)
We gotta go. (1:12:22)
Fun and laughter and music! Hey, tone it down, lady! (8:45)
Does this bug you, Glen? (1:15:40)
I think he's hungry again. (1:05:37)
No! (14:48)
Yo! (moaning) Here! (1:01:57)
What are you doing, senor? Hey! (54:12)
Blasphemy! (13:01)
(painful groan) (1:03:09)
Ow! (1:31:35)
(another painful groan) (1:03:10)
(groan) (1:02:10)
Hnuh! (11:53)

*The clicking sound where Crow is throwing some switches had been added by Dave Long.

From The Shout! Box Set #34 XXXIV

MST3K The Viking Women And The Sea Serpent Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

The saga of viking women and their voyage to the waters of the great
sea serpent (29:14)
(mimicking trumpet sound) (52:43)
Ah! Senya, my son. (50:04)
I'm Spunky the warrior boy! Whoo! Ha! Who's on? (1:20:57)
Once the sacrificial fires have been lighted, the gods demand their victim. (1:21:46)
Oh I don't know. (20:01)
Enough time wasted! (1:02:19)
Light the fire. (1:18:34)
You don't mind, do you? Thank you. (1:06:35)
Okay, this one's for waffles. (57:35)
I'm the god of hellfire! (laughing) (1:18:45)
Ahh! (52:38) & (54:48)* & (1:35:56)**
You okay? (59:55)
You, well, nevermind. (49:13)
Didn't go well, did it? (1:17:06)

*These sounds are over-imposed to make the sound of more than one screaming character.
**May or may not be part of the effect but it does lend to the same sort of screaming sound.

From The Shout! Box Set #34 XXXIV

Song Break - A Song About The 70s & The 50s Literally

Back in the Funky 70s

The party did never stop

The city of Pompeii was doing alright

But Vesuvius blew her top

Ow! Ow! Back in the Super Bad 70s

The Roman Empire still reigned supreme

Emperor Titus came to power

And he finished up the coliseum

Back in the Funkadelic 70s

Egyptian wheat was slow...

Egyptian wheat was(*)

Do you remember the 50s

When Emperor Claudius died?

The Apostle Paul traveled to Greece...

And preached the gospel wide

MST3K Daddy-O Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Well how about it? (27:57)
You've beaten the first challenge, time to move to level two. (1:27:45)
(raspberry sound) (1:09:14)
Anything goes, Daddy O! (30:33)
When is that butter going to get here? (1:09:09)
Come on, don't be a bad sport. (33:43)
Tsk, ahem, mm. Ah! (4:20)
He's mad at me. (27:31)
Uh huh. (4:15)
Yeah? (49:58)
Hmm. (4:16)
Want some? (mmm) (39:24)
Go on. (1:18:47)
(sniff sniff sniff) (4:14)
Well, clue me. (1:00:28)
(slapping sound and apple hitting a wall) (39:25)
Want some? (1:30:42)
(gasp) What? (34:26)
Don't worry, I got the message. (27:25)
What? What?! (50:00)
Don't blame me! (39:36)
Or bring any butter. (1:04:05)
Parque. *
Butter. (57:43)
Parque. *
That burns my butter. (1:13:30)
Parque. *
No, no. (1:01:03)
Get lost, Daddy O. (1:04:32)

*The line is actually from the old 'Parkay' (spelled differently in the menu animation) commercials and is nowhere in this episode or segments. A voice-over is used for the menu and not taken from any of the broadcast commercials. A sample of the TV ad being referred to can be seen here.

From The Shout! Box Set #33 XXXIII

MST3K Earth Vs The Spider Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Ah. I left Dave up there to seal the entrance...OH NO! (1:30:18)
Impressive (14:17)
Hey, hey I got her, she's mine. (43:24)
Oh just a spider. (1:00:29)
Tickle tickle tickle. (1:25:25)
Well that's not very smart. (1:04:03)
I'll just uh, be going then, I, I gotta get the, the groceries. (59:09)
Huh? (1:33:57)
Oh no! (1:10:03)
Ahh, ahh, ahh! (18:20)
Neh neh neh wooh ohh ohh woo. (40:48)
D'oh! (19:39)
Ah! (18:22)
Ah yuck. Do you have any moist towelettes? (21:18)
Hmm? Everywhere. (raspberry sound) (50:25)
I think that went rather well, don't you? Doh! (2:15)

From The Shout! Box Set #33 XXXIII

MST3K Teenage Crime Wave Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Stop staring at me, you phone! (1:05:18)
Aahhh! (1:05:35)
Huh? What's it doing? (29:26)
Why? What does it mean? (37:33)
Here's the one you wanted, sucker! (1:15:59)
Oh the teenage crime wave. Shh. (1:06:28)
Shh we escape. (1:51)
Where d'you think you're going? (1:07:27)
Nothing. (2:48)
Well you think again. (1:07:31)
That was completely uncalled for. (46:27)
Just keep it inside... (1:08:21)
You fool! (1:13:13)
Learn how to hide your feelings. (1:08:22)
You're yellow and you're stupid and you're trigger happy! (1:13:27)
(Cries) (1:25:53)

From The Shout! Box Set #33 XXXIII

MST3K Agent For H.A.R.M. Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Michael J Nelson, you are charged with crimes against man and nature. (3:05)
Lot of folks round these parts have been throwing the word 'world-destroyer'
around like a bone for old blue. Ha ha ha ha. (21:25)
Hey, nice torte. (20:54)
Whoa Mike's gonna hang. (5:32)
Hey that's pretty extreme! (5:33)
Yeah, yeah, Mike! Aagghhh! (2:48)
So you blow yourself up a planet, does that make you a world-destroyer?
Hmm? (21:32)
And let the trial begin! (gavel pounding) (5:05)
I'm Gypsy, and Mike Nelson totally didn't do it. (40:07)
Well, he's guilty, he blew up them planets near as you please! Ha ha! (22:20)
Da da DA DA! (53:22)
Ba da BA DA! (31:08)
Da da DA DA! No, uh, maybe not. (29:32)
  
From The Shout! Box Set #33 XXXIII

MST3K Hercules Menu Ensembles

Hercules
The Menu
The Episode

Yes-yes-it's-over-the... mumbling (30:55)
Heh heh heh heh (30:56)
See? Hah. This can still be fun. (1:12:04)
Okay. (1:12:06)
AH! (1:07:19)
T' the hell? (1:20:00)
Where is Jason? (1:12:10)
Look what you did, bad! (12:59)
Jason! (1:12:13)
It's a murderer, nothing to worry about. (13:40)
Courage. (42:29)
Yech, this is really weird, Herc. (10:40)
Enough! I'm tired of doing all these senseless things for the gods. (38:43)
Come on! For 2000 years can we finally admit the emperor has no clothes? (21:37)
Would you just... (41:48)
Will you have a piece? (10:32)
I weep for the death of the spirit and the soul. (23:11)
Hey want some meat? (10:26)
Gee, I feel bad. (54:03)
Oop, saw him move, ha, just kidding. Sorry. (36:46)
And-and Jason, what about Jason? (1:26:26)
You will never be Jason. (1:17:10)
Alright, gawd. (1:17:37)
Now listen to me. (38:53)
What are you doing? (54:10)
You are dead, aren't you? (36:33)
Wait. (27:42)
J-oh-ho! (32:34)
Maybe we should...RUN! (52:10)
Golly are, oh ho, boy, whoa! (1:14:01)
Look at the poor dope. (1:00:40)
Now get outta here, you bum. (30:02)
Thank you gods, thank you so bloody much! (1:15:04)
But anyway, it's still a nice day, huh? (35:50)
Good night, folks. (1:07:26)

From The Shout! Box Set #32 XXXII


Hercules And The Captive Women
The Menu
The Episode

Oh this is so nice, just you 'n me and...him. (49:39)
Ah-zah don't do that! (52:31)
Go away. (26:14)
Hey, Hercules put him down. (17:14)
Uh-hah. (14:18)
Okay. (49:44)
Ugh. You are one spooky lizard. (28:17)
That's it? (1:01:28) or (1:08:23)
Leave here now or you'll be dead by nightfall. (26:20)*
Oh crap I'm outta here. Buh bye. (1:22:19)
Hey bring me a magazine! (14:59)
Okay. (13:44)
I changed my mind. (13:45)
(Punching sounds)
Uh oh. (1:07:51)
Meanwhile six weeks later. (1:21:13)
I don't want intruders on my island. (26:16)
Oh quit crying we got problems, too. (1:27:26)
Uuhh! (1:10:35)
You know everyone has abandonment issues. (5:39)
(an 'Ah-tu' like sound) (1:11:41)
(Flames)
(Servo blowing out flames) (13:30)**

*From the original film without the MST3K riffing.
**I think this sound bit was simply looped once to get the second blowing out fire sound.

From The Shout! Box Set #29 XXIX


Hercules Against The Moon Men
Does not have an animated menu (from Volume #7)

Hercules Unchained
Does not have an animated menu (from Volume #7)

MST3K San Francisco International Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Come on, kid. Get your act together! (16:34)
I'm not following you, my friend. (38:23)
Now let's try that again. (1:21:33)
No way. (38:25)
Oh my. Mister Sensitive! (1:29:18)
Here. (1:11:44)*
Dah, dah, dah, dah... (1:22:09)
Gotcha! (40:24)
MST3K sounding off signal (1:31:37)
Musical Interlude (not in episode)
Oh that was a très bien merde, ugh. (29:05)

*This bit was taken from {Outlaw of Gor} which is directly linked in its timestamp.

From The Shout! Box Set #32 XXXII

MST3K Radar Secret Service Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Here does it hurt when I...? Oww! Ooh it does. (1:27:56)
Hi, who you holding for? (1:28:03)
Work your evil magic radar thingy! (33:44)
Just a minute. (1:15:45)
Right. Ahem. (1:13:17)
Oh hi! (1:25:51)
It's not better than radar, is it? (39:03)
Radar! That's right, radar makes a big return! We're back on track with radar! Ah! (1:15:13)
Oh, I want them to like me, oh maybe I should just introduce myself. (58:25)
Wanna play Yahzee or something? (1:18:10)*
Hey! (46:25)
Ever think about God? He's up there, you know. (1:21:02)
Ah, ah, wow. Incredible. (42:28)
Hey I wanna read the, the, I...oh. (34:19)
I know. (1:17:59)
Dah! (1:12:07)
Bah! (27:26)
Hahaha. (1:12:06)
Beh-eh-eh (27:27)
Thanks to radar the scene promptly ends. (1:02:32)

*The line "Wanna play Yahzee or something" is actually from the episode of San Francisco International which I linked in the timestamp above.
The music used is probably from the end credits of the film. The three lines over the intercom was probably added by Dave Long as they were not found in any part of the episode to the best of my knowledge.

From The Shout! Box Set #32 XXXII

MST3K Space Travelers Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Ironman One, Ironman One, this is Houston. Do you read me? (40:05)
This is Ironman. (14:11)
Poor bastard thinks he's a spaceman, heh heh. (15:09)
Why don't you get us out of here?! (50:54)**
Whoa. (32:03)
What's he doing? (39:43)
Uh, roger that, Ironman. Advise you adjust your attitude. (40:11)
Yes, yes. (11:14)
Oh what the hell difference does it make? What's going on down there? (50:51)**
Aw. You know, he's always good, isn't he? (14:02)
What the hell do you know about it? (1:07:19)**
Clearing throat sounds. (3:47)
Ah! (48:56)
Oh nothing. Nothing! (42:46)
Sorry everyone. Sorry. Heh. (50:36)
Uh, say this, right there. (21:26)
Don't tell me what to do. (1:18)*
Man, Hackman's really good in this. (16:36)
Wheewww. Yeah. (1:08:05)
What are we gonna do? (1:05:31)**
Well. I think I'll play a little Super Mario, if you don't mind. (1:07:52)
What? (49:42)
Let the carnage begin heh heh. (8:32)
Sigh (1:16:38)

*A line that's from the original film but cut for time. There is a clip of the scene where this comes from though at 1:18 of {Marooned} which is its real title.
**From the original film without the MST3K riffing.

From The Shout! Box Set #32 XXXII

MST3K Jungle Goddess Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

We better hurry! (1:15:25)
Wait up! (1:21:21)
(gun shot and cooing sound) (1:30:18)
(gun shot) (1:28:39)
Coconut take that. (1:29:06)
I don't trust him. (1:10:17)
Did he go on another wild shooting spree? (1:32:59)
Hey look! (1:12:53)
What, in Africa? (37:34)
Shh! (37:35)
Mmm! (1:25:55)
Think you better leave now. (1:05:52)
Did you kill 'em? (1:14:59)
Ugh. (47:48)
Cause I kill indiscriminately. (1:04:35)
Get real. (1:18:20)
(gun shot) (39:35)
Take that ya stinking coconut. (1:28:40)
(lion roars) (55:56)
Hello kitty cat. (lion roars) (38:05)
(scream) (55:58)
Oh quit screaming, I'm sorry about the coconut. (1:29:25)
(lion sound) (1:21:24)
Whoa. (11:52)
(lion sound) (1:21:24)
G'eh-g'eh (1:12:38)
I will kill you! (1:13:11)
(lion sound) (1:21:25)
(gun shot) (1:33:38)
(lion sound) (1:21:24)
Oh God! Ooh. Ooh. (1:33:38)
I feel so funky. (47:49)
We've got to get going. (1:19:03)
Oh shut up. (1:19:04)
(music) (1:31:50)

From The Shout! Box Set #31 XXXI

MST3K The Painted Hills Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Where's Shep? (1:15:08)
(menacing laughing) (1:15:34)
We're having beef-a-roni! (1:07:52)
Tommy! (20:58)
You like refried poison...beans, beans! (1:07:34)
(barking) (1:21:20)*
Gee, I'm sure glad to see you. (1:16:43)
(barking) (18:36)
Mr. Shep, you have a nasty habit of surviving. (1:20:49)
Shep, what is it? (1:08:13)
Hey, that's good poison. (56:22)
Heh heh, snausage, honey? Heh heh. (1:24:48)
(dog growling) (40:48) or (40:56)**
I'll be right back. (1:08:03)
Shut your hole, Tommy. (1:19:43)
Get your dog outta here. (19:57)
(bark) (47:48)
Come on, Shep. (1:20:07)
(bark) (47:10)
Three years later. (1:22:46)
Sit down and eat your stew. (33:09)
Got any Mrs. Dash? (31:45)
(menacing laughter) (1:07:43)
Mm mm mah, I miss Lassie. Mm mm. (dog sounding concerned) (55:23)

*The sound effects of the dog barking is pretty much throughout the film. It's why Lassie has the same 4 or 5 lines all the time.
**The growling here is also repeated in other parts of the film.

From The Shout! Box Set #31 XXXI

MST3K The Screaming Skull Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Come on, bring it in tough guy, come on. (1:02:03)
Please don't do this! (1:05:53)
(imitating thumping sounds) Help me! (thumping sounds) (40:32)
Hey. (21:45)
Yeah, death's hard, ain't it? (59:34)
Shut up. (1:00:08)
Anyway, how are you? (29:12)
Any questions? (1:27:25)
(scream) (1:20:51)
Uh, well it's Hell for you then. (58:42)
Come on, you son of a... (1:26:14)
Ugh-whoo-whee-hee! (1:03:54)
Get a box! (giggling) (30:01)
Don't you make that skull face at me, Missy! (1:17:14)
Rahhh! (1:07:45) or (1:09:10)*
I hate it when people die, they make such a big deal out of it. (13:53)
Tsk I know. (13:55)
(screaming sound) (giggle) (44:19)
Shut up. (26:49)

*Both 'Rahhh' sounds are strikingly similar.

 From The Shout! Box Set #31 XXXI

MST3K Squirm Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Disgusting! (44:08)
What's the matter? (18:30)
No ma'am, Miss Saunders, ma'am (17:35)
What? (54:34)
Well squirm, I guess (1:18:48)
I hate it. (44:13)
Oh come on, Roger. (38:37)
Don't! (32:19)
(springing sound) (6:37)
Aaaah! (1:06:42)
No! (58:31)
Well hey.
Hey! (11:52)
Squirmy the squirm sprite they call me. So you didn't like the movie huh?
Yeah. (38:48)
And crappy old movies like this, it's important to keep them alive.
I don't care there's still buttloaf. (6:15)*
We'll see how you like it.
Aren't no big deal. (46:01)
No squirm. Did I mention no squirm?
She's mine! (1:11:52)
Wh-whoa! (1:12:29)
I regret nothing!
Buh bye! So long! (1:22:04)
I don't understand. (29:02)**
Oh sister, let me tell you. Hahuhuhuoo. (36:42)

*This line was edited from "I don't care there's still butter and meatloaf" combining the butt from butter and loaf from meatloaf.
**From the original movie in a scene that wasn't in the episode but I linked in the time stamp to the original movie where the line occurs.
The yellow text indicates that those lines are added in by Dave Long and not in the MST3K episode at all.

From The Shout! Box Set #31 XXXI

MST3K The Black Scorpion Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Hello, hello. (16:02)
Okay. (1:07:42)
Get me I'm a bendy doll. (1:05:30)
(Laughing) (19:08)
(Sniffing) (1:27:46)
Is that you, or is it starting to smell like beef in here? (1:27:48)
(Rattling sound) Huh? Huh? Hmm? (12:36)
(Gasp) (36:54)*
Holy buckets. (1:03:23)
Wait a second. (1:24:59)
(Insect sound) Ughhh! (insect sound) (1:01:53)
Yeah that black scorpion is terrific, it's very realistic. (1:13:04)
Shee-Sheesh. (13:24)
(monster sound) (14:58)
I'm just plain terrified. (1:00:04)
Wanna bet? (1:08:16)
(Squeaking sound) (35:07)**
Oh we thought it was Ray Harryhausen. (1:13:13)
(monster sound) (36:12)
Yuck! (1:01:01)
Yech. (43:43)
Whoo! (47:26)
Ugh! (41:39)
Your breath is like mummy meat. (1:09:39)
  
*This sound is more like a sharp breath and happens so quickly that it's easy to miss.
**Looped.

From The Shout! Box Set #30 XXX

MST3K Outlaw (of Gor) Menu Ensemble

The Menu
The Episode

Tarl Cabot is yours, your majesty, yours! (1:06:57)
Hey guys! (43:46)
Oh please, let's not have another vague scene. (1:13:31)
All kneel to Lara, Queen of Koruba. (1:20:31)
Or not, whatever is okay with you guys. (1:20:35)
Hey! (5:02)
Aa ha ha ha, you Cabot, ehh... (1:14:04)
He must be killed! (1:08:17)
I'm supposed to be some kind of freakin' wizard! (1:09:42)
Wha ha ha ha hoo! (5:06)
What? (18:38)
I like it, I like... (1:28:26)
Thank you. (1:22:38)
I've got a a good one, uh, uh how about (1:28:11)
Why? Why? (1:09:55)
Are you satisfied? (1:07:42)
Uh, awkward moment. (1:06:14)
Wha ha ha ha hoo! (5:06)
Ahoo hoo hoo! (23:27)
Whee hee hee! (1:10:36)
Go! (19:06)

*Thanks again to Dave Long for his help on this one by sending the .wav file to the weird Tom Servo laugh.

From The Shout! Box Set #30 XXX